Of closing books and self love

When you come to the end of a book, you close it. I read that somewhere recently. I never close my books. I love good stories and may reread a book several times. I read them slowly and if I near the end, I may scan through the first chapters, conversations and word plays. Evidently, I take time before I close a book.
So I don’t know how to close this. How does one face heartbreak..? An inevitable close? That last page? When you can’t flip back? You can’t delay the storm that’s about to hit. The torrents that flow. You remember hearts you broke and wonder is this how helpless they felt?
I can’t bear the thought of him with someone else. It kills. Deep. It terrifies. What will I do when I meet him on the streets with a ring on his finger, looking happy and well loved? What if I’ll still be hang up on him? How am I going to move on? How is this book closed? For to me the story seems unfinished.

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… Sometimes it happens..

Ever been sober in a club ? Weirdest experience ever.. Especially for me.I happen to be the sort who can never seat still in a crowd unless am conversing with a particular person, and they’re really interesting. Otherwise I move about.
So this Friday I had the misfortune of being sober alone in a crowd of extremely high fellas.
My roommate, after alot of begging of course, convinced me to spend today evening with her at a club frequented by many middle class nairobians. Its even conveniently in the middle of town, In a street populated mostly by the same type of joints. I have a feeling the interiors when seen in daylight aren’t too different. The Dj plays the same set of music every Friday. Believe me, even the game changers are always the same.
And so I find myself sipping a redbull in this scene.
Old school…
Gear one…
Guys are cool..
The next table seems to be a high school boy band reunion. Only this one didn’t have 5 but 10 plus dudes. Who know all the songs and I suspect are harmonizing, thanks to how loud the music is, we are spared the concert. These guys are all about each other, back punches, high fives. And I-love-this-song. These band interests me because I just can’t place where they could’ve all met. Is it high school? Or campus? Still can’t place them.
The night wears on…
My roommate has made a new friend. This girl knows how to have a good time. And they’re dancing they’ve even formed a routine and now the band boys, tired of all the testosterone on their table, are checking out my girls (the new one is also my girl now by extension). Gear two…
I like our table. I haven’t told you about our table. We always hang out at this table. Right next to the dj. I don’t know how that’s an advantage but I guess there is, its near a window, never too warm, and not far from the counter, so our surface is never empty. And, it faces the door so one can see everyone coming in. And the crew, now that, that’s what makes this place an attraction. Everyone minds their own business here, No one is in charge of your entertainment. You came alone, you’ll leave alone. But now we are together. From time to time someone will say something hilarious that will spark a discussion. Then we’ll  all go back to our various forms of joy givers.mostly our phones. For me its candy crush.. Yes really.
It’s third gear…
The entire place is in a frenzy. I moved locations. I like hanging out at a certain balcony. Next to this extremely huge bouncer. Speaking of which have you ever taken time to observe how extremely big these guys are. Huge hands. Large shoes. Their suits. Those clothes are biggest. X X X X X X…XL they have these unsmiling faces. I mean. People are in a club. They’re having fun. Dancing. Mostly laughing. I believe the intended mood is happy. And then in the midst of all this revelry, there are some mean unsmiling faces. Who don’t sing along to even one song. Do you mean to say that there’s not one bouncer somewhere who just wants to nod coz he really likes the song. Who said to offer the best security the expression should be unwelcoming..? I mean these guys are HUGE…which is imposing enough even without the sneer. The huge is already working. Spare the facial muscles. I want to get into a club. And the large ones spotting black suits. Look like they’re having a blast too. They’re shakey legging kiasi as they move around.. They tap a regular and say, ” Boss umepetoea sana…ningejua utakaa hivyo singekutoss ile day.. ” #justSaying.
But I  digress…
I like this balcony mainly because it has a great view. Okay.. I understand that that’s a phrase used to describe awesome natural views,but I assure you its appropriately used. This particular balcony should be frequented by all those science students studying human behaviour. This is a gold mine. We have threshold representation. There’s that guy, he’s big, at a very full table. What mainly draws me to that table is a periodic tilting of the head of the lady seated next to him. Every time this guy takes a drink his elbow pushes her face. I think the girl is too drunk to know why her head keeps moving. Close by is a set of arms and legs fleeing desperately from a body. I love watching dudes dance. Especially when they dance alone… You see they just stand and wiggle a little when dancing with a girl, who in this case has won several Olympic medals twisting, bending over, hands on her head twerking like she’s auditioning for a place on Miley Cyrus’ troupe. I prefer studying these lone wolves. and do they move. Reminds me of Binyavanga’s description of the dombolo dance… That to move, imagine you have an itch deep inside your behind. And you can’t use your fingers to scratch. These fellas live that experience. Its a blurry flare of arms and legs. He has alot of space around him as no one can dare venture close. His moves are an inspiration for puppeteers. The energy… The expression of pure unguarded bliss. I imagine he’s doing a life changing performance. The dedication to each move. Watching them, I understand opera fixation. Here the Dj doesn’t dissapoint. Its like every track, every beat is a celebration of this guy. A dedication to his guts. Like saying. Dude you are legend. I like this balcony…
Eventually I get bored .
Am sober in the midst of a soon to be carnivore. And the loud crank music isn’t appealing.  I leave just before midnight. Sick of the cigarette smoke. And yearning for the comfort of my bed. I have survived.

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After all is said and done we are all Kenyans

It doesn’t take a genius to notice

Our differences in height weight countenance or complexion

We are as different as night and day yet the same in different ways

Just look at me and you


Our cultures though diverse are rich

Our languages though unfathomable to the other build our interests in each other

Our views may not concur but it makes life lack boredom

We may not see it

We may not think it

But we are one

Without each other we are for lack of a better word…useless


I awake in the morning

Push off the beautiful multicolored kikoi bedcover made by Maasai hands

From the bed well designed by that Kamba artisan

Who bought timber from the miraa chewing Meru man who lives near Mt. Kenya

Wear my akalla sandals cut by the Luhya man who married that Kisii woman who sells bananas to me on my way to school

Where am taught by that Kalenjin lecturer who ate bread baked by that Pokomo man who works in that Asians bakery…

Did I just take tea picked by that Nandi woman processed by Finley’s company owned by that White African…read European settler

That milk tasted sweet must have been from that cow bought from the Tugen teacher by his Kikuyu neighbor who sold the milk to the Samburu lady married to that  Pokot insurance broker who works with my mother


And guess what that’s just a pass over,

I did not talk of the Sudanese who owns the fleet of matatus that ply our route

Nor did I mention that my hairdresser is Turkana

And that  my best friend is Chagga that I love this  kikuyu dude and might marry a Luo jerk….

Don’t get me wrong am proud of my Somali ancestry


Oops I didn’t mention enough tribes…

Yes I am ignorant you can say it

But I’m proud of it coz when I look at everyone I just see my fellow countryman

A people I can’t live without

The people who make me who I am

The people whose achievements in various fields fill me with joy as we all shed patriotic tears

A difference in opinion may be what differs but not who we are

Sons and daughters of this great land

After all is said and done we are all Kenyans

Am proud to say Mimi Ni Mkenya

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I Got you

Soldiers have guns, porcupines have spikes
Skunks have stench, Moi had his rod
I don’t have no weapon…though
Beyonce’s got her body, Angelina has her lips
J. Lo got booty, Shakira has hips
Well, I am a bag of bones (literally)
Lakini I‘ve got you.

You know some people rate achievement
By making trips to the moon,
Sending satellites allover space
Understanding rocket science
Greeting Obama
But I surpass all said achievements
When I have you.

It takes the earth a whole year to go round the sun
A year seems like a pretty long time
But not that long considering Pluto takes 200 plus
But on Pluto, a trip round the sun would seem
An eye’s twinkle
If I am with you

When two people are in love
They have these fuzzy feelings in themselves They keep looking in each others eyes
And tell their friends on and in about him or her
I don’t care bout love and fuzzy feelings
I quit boring my friends
Since I got you.

Friends are rare to find
Especially those who understand you
Even harder are those who like you
You are lucky if you have any who love you
I’ve never really cared bout friends around me
Whether they despise or reject me
It doesn’t even worry me whether they are genuine
Since I got you

I’ve had many dreams in life
I’ve wanted to be a pilot which proved too expensive
Then a lawyer but they are too corrupt
After reading Ludlum I thought spies were cool
A surgeon even, but damn those guys need too much brain
(And I mean dead brain)
But you know what,
I feel as if every single dream was fulfilled
The minute I met you

Many people reading this
Will obviously look up my relationship status
When they find it’s complicated, they’ll think I’m hooked
My demand will go down
And even friend requests will move to none per year
Most might even click on ‘remove friend’
But hell, I don’t give a damn As long as I got you.

You make my world go round
And you make my sun to shine
You make my roses to bloom
And my eyes to glow
You are all I ever needed
And I realized that
When I found you
Am so glad I GOT YOU

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